Male Ordered Bride
Allow me to dispense with the formalities. I will get right to the point: Builtmore's "Mail Ordered Bride" is quite frankly one of the most entertaining videos ever produced in the genre of female bodybuilding. Starring Colette Guimond, the 5'3" dynamo from Quebec, Canada, this sixty minute film is a combination posing tape and fun-filled short film which showcases Colette's "cute as a button" personality and her extremely powerful physique. Because of the extensive posing at the beginning of the tape, Male Ordered Bride will appeal to muscle worship enthusiasts. Colette, known for her incredible gluts and "baseball" biceps poses in a variety of outfits in a beautiful outdoor setting. Her methodical approach to posing adds sensuality to the routine.
It is easy to see how Colette packs so much muscle on such a small frame. Her arms explode with larger than life biceps each and every time she flexes them. Her thick sculpted legs are as shapely as they are large. Wait until you get a look at her gluts, they are absolutely perfect, like two watermelons (sorry for this horrible analogy!) resting side by side. Of course, I would be remiss if I didn't mention Colette's beautiful bronzed skin. So smooth and supple, like smooth silk over solid rock. There I go with the analogies again...
Colette uses heavy dumbbells throughout her posing routine to pump her arms even more. Showing off her heart-shaped calves is made easy due to her black high-heeled shoes which allow her calves to pop right out of her legs. She climbs stairs slowly while turning her toes inwards and outward, exploiting the calves to the max. I was very much into this posing segment because Colette seems to know exactly how to pose to get a guy's juices flowing, so to speak. She also sports an incredible back, which she shows off time and time again with great lat spreads. One memorable scene has Colette flexing her left arm, while the camera gets a close-up. She then flexes and contracts it over and over again, leading to one of the best bicep pumping scenes I've ever seen. The posing ends with nothing left to the imagination; every body part is shown thoroughly throughout her great routine. However, the tape is far from over, because now begins the great story of the Mail Ordered Bride...
The concept behind this intriguing story is that a guy has purchased a wife through the mail, having never met or even seen her before. While he may be expecting one thing, he definitely gets something else. The story opens with the guy watching wrestling on television. Ric Flair is fighting in the ring (being a huge fan of wrestling myself, I was quite pleased with this little inclusion). The man screams at the TV as if he were actually there. Meanwhile, Colette is being driven by a chauffeur up to the house. Once they pull up to the guys palatial estate, the driver carries her luggage to the front door and wishes her good luck with her new "husband."
Upon opening the door, the guy is greeted by a woman more beautiful than anything he could have ever hoped his $10,000 could buy! Colette is decked out in an incredibly sexy outfit which includes a tight leather mini-skirt. When he hugs her, he comments on how "hard" she is and he asks her if she works out. Duh. Obviously, not a man of humility, he brags about his beautiful home, telling her that everything in it is his, but will now be hers also. Out on the deck, Colette discovers that her husband smokes, which she angers her. I guess I should tell you now why I enjoyed the dialogue so much throughout the story; it's because Collette speaks with an adorable Quebecois accent and makes cute little comments which make me laugh uncontrollably. She tells him that part of their marriage contract said that he wouldn't smoke, but he doesn't seem to care. He hands her a bikini, which he tells her to put on. She goes into the house and takes off the majority of her clothes revealing an sexy black lace/spandex outfit which clings against every shapely curve on her body. Admiring her physique, she does some nice lat spreads and bicep shots in the mirror, before going out again to greet her husband.
When she returns, he complains that she didn't put on the outfit he bought her. She says that she looks good in the outfit she's wearing and poses for him. In what seems to be nothing more than a petty argument, he tells her not to defy him because if she does he'll have to put her in her place. She innocently claims that he's too small to boss her around. In broken English (which I find absolutely adorable!) she says "no, you can't beat me, you small, too small." Of course, he's not the smallest guy in the world, but her impressively muscled frame definitely makes him look physically inferior to her. She puts him in a headlock and drags him on to the lawn, where she drops him and says that if they were to fight, she would beat him. When she goes back into the house, he lights another cigarette. When she returns, she is not amused by his smoking and begins wrestling with him.
Unlike other mixed wrestling contests I've seen, this one proves to be very, very entertaining. Colette's sound knowledge of "on the mat" wrestling, combined with her awesome strength, and great dialogue, makes this a fight to remember. Actually, it's not much of a fight, because she controls him completely. With his ever cocky attitude, he claims that he'll show her once she lets him get back to his feet. There is great chemistry between the two people, because it doesn't seem completely fabricated and artificial. In fact, it reminded me of many "play fights" I would have with friends. The first demonstration of Colette's strength comes when she easily (and I mean easily!) hoists him across her shoulders and does some very deep knee bends with him. I've never seen a female lift a larger male (although not muscular) with as much as Colette does to her "husband."
He seems petrified by the notion of being "airplane spun" by his mail ordered bride. When she drops him to the ground, she asks him if he's learned his lesson, to which he replies no. Well, she decides to fight some more and in one of the greatest displays of strength I've seen, she picks up his limp body in her arms, right from off the grass! That's right, she picks him up while lying on the grass. Then she proceeds to walks around the backyard with him in her arms. She gives some great dialogue: "How do you like me carry you like little baby, huh? You just like a little baby." That is classic material and with Colette's accent, it is all the more appealing. Continuing the assault, she wraps her legs around him in a great scissors hold complimented by some nice "bone crunching and cracking" sound effects.
The mixed wrestling is combined with many, many more lifts and carries, including Colette's patented pile-driver. She picks him up with such ease, he almost flies over her head! She holds him upside down for a long time, while his face turns beet red and he pleads with her to let him down. I found it ironic that when he was watching wrestling, he claimed he could beat Ric Flair if Flair was in the room with him, but now he couldn't even beat his wife. Headlocks, scissors, takedowns, and other extended lifts abound for the next ten minutes. It never gets boring because of all the variety and dialogue being spoken by the dysfunctional couple. For a lift fan like myself, the length of each lift surpassed my high expectations. Because of her inhuman strength Colette was able to hold him for very long amounts of time. I laughed because every time she put him down for the count, she said she'd give him another chance, although she would immediately apply another hold after saying that! So much for a promise...
Finally, she picks him up and carries him to the pool, which includes climbing a set of stairs along the way! She throws him into the pool and then in a classic move, she uses her foot against his forehead to push him further into the water. She goes into the house to change into the outfit he originally wanted her in, while he swims to the deck to have another cigarette. He says to himself that he didn't purchase a woman to beat him up. When she returns, he is stunned at how hot she looks in the outfit. She claims that he doesn't deserve to have her if he continues to smoke. Colette promptly grabs the cigarette and throws it away. Then she picks him up and carries him to the patio chair, where she gently places him down on it.
Then she gets on top of him, leading to what turns out to be one of the most sensual and erotic muscle video scenes ever! They exchange dialogue and she gently strokes his head saying how she'll take care of him, now that he knows who's boss. He grabs her gluts and squeezes them, leaving his fingerprints in her tanned derriere. They start to kiss and hug, in what looks like a scene out of a soap opera. Whatever their real-life relationship to each other is, they were very convincing on camera. A great ending to a great story. Overall, Builtmore's Mail Ordered Bride provides a great deal of variety and entertainment, with a bodybuilding star that is beyond reproach. Fans of Colette, mixed wrestling, lifts and carries, and muscle worship will all be pleasantly treated to a feast for sore eyes!
Review by Davemeister.
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