How 2 Hold Your Man
Review by Davemeister.
Fans of mixed wrestling will most likely enjoy Builtmore Production's "How To Hold Your Man", a one hour video featuring the muscular brunette exotic dancer, Nancy Staiger. You heard me right. Muscular exotic dancer. Because of her dancing background, Nancy is much more flexible than most women of her muscular definition, and she uses this to her advantage, both during her posing routine, and during her numerous wrestling encounters.
The tape features three gentlemen, in the form of Dan, Homer, and Bill. For those of you that are curious, Bill is indeed Bill Wick, and as usual, he steals the show! Without further a due, lets get right to the action. Nancy gives us an eyeful of her exquisitely tanned and toned body in what is one of the most entertaining posing segments you'll ever see. Her dancing skills are incorporated into her posing routine in what amounts to fifteen minutes of non-stop flex appeal. This girl has many hidden talents, as she is able to balance on her head for an eternity, while hitting awesome hamstring flexing poses! Her legs are very well developed, and she shows us each pulsating muscle from her defined quads to her heart-shaped calves.
Her long flowing dark hair is reminiscent of a muscular Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. And mark my words, there is something very mysterious about this girl. Sporting a hot-pink bikini, very little is left to the imagination, which is good for those of you that don't like to picture things in your heads! In fact, as her posing routine progresses, she slowly takes off articles of clothing, while playing sensually for the cameras. It is very apparent that Nancy isn't camera shy, because she literally draws you into her routine by provocatively staring at you through the screen.
After some posing inside a studio, we're taken to the gym, where Nancy shows us how she got that rock-solid physique which is so alluring. She does chin-ups (which is always a treat to see!), hamstring curls, dumbbell presses and other exercises, all of which work her body (and probably yours!) into a fevered sweat. You will be captivated by her muscular calves when she hits the stair climber. With each passing repetition, you can see the muscles in her legs pop out, seemingly trying to burst through her tanned skin. From there, we're taken outdoors, when Nancy poses next to a tall wooden fence. This is quite a unique location for a posing routine, as I've never seen a wooden fence used as a backdrop. Forget thinking of it as just a backdrop, Nancy puts it to use! That's right, she stretches her long sexy legs out and uses the fence, like a ballerina uses a horizontal pole or beam.
As she continues posing down on the blanket which is laid out across the grass, an intruder spies on her through the bushes. This peeping-tom is getting aroused by Nancy's sensual movements on the blanket, and is soon discovered by the busty brunette. Nancy beckons him to her and promptly wraps her vice-like legs around his neck. He squeezes him with all her might, making him squeal in pain. Of course, it becomes very clear that he's actually enjoying it! In a line that is used for the rest of the video, he says "that hurts so good." Corny? Yes, but it's also quite funny.
Within moments, Bill arrives to save his brother Dan from certain doom at the hands of Nancy. Here is where "How To Hold Your Man" really picks up. Bill adds his unique brand of comedy to an other-wise semi-comatose performance from Dan. Bill is at his humourous best as he tells her to leave his brother alone, in less than flattering terms! He starts to fight her and all hell breaks loose. I've never laughed more in an amazon flick than when Bill starts playing the role of the deranged lunatic (which he does a little too well if you ask me!) He starts kissing her all over her body, making funny sounds with his mouth (at least I hope it's his mouth!) all while being held between her muscular legs. He tries to punch his way out of her unrelenting grip, and for the first time I've ever seen it, a guy actually punches a girl hard in the abs. I couldn't believe how rock hard her abdominals were, because you can here the sound of his fists crashing into her with absolutely no impact or movement on Nancy's part!
Well the games continue and Bill comments how he's rather bedoing "another activity" with her rather than wrestling. Then, out of nowhere, a third guy appears! This guy is by far the strangest of the three, sporting a hooded parka, which covers his entire face. He walks around like he's a zombie which has yet to see the light of day. Bill refers to him as Homer, his demented brother. Of course, having already experienced the antics of Dan and Bill, Homer, who refuses to speak, doesn't seem too out of place! Nancy keeps applying pressure to Bill, ultimately crushing his ribs with her violent pelvic thrusts.
The next day (or later that day, I'm not exactly sure) Dan comes over to Nancy's house to let her know that Bill is in the hospital because of her. She doesn't really seem to care about that, but instead invites Dan in to be her "wrestling toy." She throws him down on to the sofa claiming that he's her favourite of the three brothers. She rips open his shirt, to which he replies "I only have two shirts." She starts applying wrestling maneuvers, mostly scissor holds, to him on the sofa. Throughout this entire ordeal, Dan never stops talking. His overly pronounced speech reminded me of Dustin Hoffman's character, the Rain Man!
It is very amusing to listen to Dan speak while Nancy continues to torture him in the bedroom. Having thrown him on to the bed, she jumps on top of him and begins to use her muscular body in an attempt to render him incapacitated. She does a good job with the wrestling maneuvers, but a lousy job remembering the dialogue. In fact, in what has to be considered the most amateur acting performance I've ever seen (besides Pamela on Baywatch), Nancy constantly looks at the camera head on, and at the walls trying to read what I'd assume are cue-cards placed throughout the room. It is so painfully obvious that she's reading her lines that Dan actually comments, stop looking at the walls! I'm telling you, this performance will not win an Academy Award, but it will make you laugh.
Apparently throughout this entire wrestling lesson, Homer (the lunatic silent brother) is sitting right beside the bed observing the whole thing, unbeknownst to either Dan or Nancy. You'd think with all the looking around the room she did, she would have noticed him! Anyway, when he's finally "discovered" Nancy kicks Dan out of the way and grabs Homer, throwing him onto the bed. She straddles him, to which he doesn't even react. He sits there completely still and silent, allowing Nancy to do whatever she wants to him. She comments that at least he doesn't blab like Dan. However after a couple of minutes of scissors holds and pelvic thrusts, Homer finally reacts...How you ask? Why by grabbing her buttocks of course! Apparently Homer's smarter than we all thought!
Dan is elated that his brother has finally reacted to something that he celebrates with Nancy out on the porch. They hug and caress each other, with some very, very bad dialogue to compliment the less than convincing acting performances from these two wrestling partners. For some reason, they felt that they had to remind us what the tape was called by referring to the term "how to hold your man" over and over again during the closing minutes. The tape does end with some semi-erotic muscle worship as Nancy straddles Dan who is seated on a chair. He grabs her gluts, feels her arms, and moves his hands up and down her muscular back over and over, all while commenting that she really knows how "to
hold her man."
Overall, "How To Hold Your Man" has some promising parts, especially the scenes with Bill Wick, which should be your number one reason for buying the tape. Nancy gives a strong performance as both a poser and wrestler, but her acting suffers terribly from the "Pamela Curse." The dialogue is quite silly, although I guess it isn't designed to be "dramatic" in any way. However, it could have been more believable. I enjoyed the contrast between the brothers' personalities, with Homer being an amusing character, especially in the bedroom scene with Nancy. If you're into mixed wrestling, with a muscular erotic dancer whipping some men into shape, you should give "How To Hold Your Man" a closer look!
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